I finally learned to stay silent, even if the words cut my throat. I’m okay with them coming out of my throat rather than my mouth. I have learned to seal it, maybe that was required for me to keep living with these sane people. Maybe that’s how I will not seem mad to them or someone who lives in another world. Maybe that’s how I can belong in their world. Because I’ve buried mine inside of me. And I don’t want to be it out because it holds chaos within itself, and I’m scared that if I speak somehow, these people I love will not consider me theirs from those exact moments. They will hate me for the words I carry for them.

And I’m sure that they are not grudges I hold,they are merely words, but all these years in the try of coming out, they got sharped, and now if I let them come out, it will cut out every skin layer they will find. And I don’t want it to happen, because if this happens, then everyone will leave me. And I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to end up being someone who can’t even hold himself.

At least with them, I have a fear, and that fear is a reminder for me to stay silent. Maybe I finally learned the secret of being a nice, good boy, as they always claim me to be.